This one's a real win-win
Here's another one I've been kicking around for a while that usually generates a gasp or two that just says 'awesome idea Jenn' whenever I share it. This one has to do with people and their environment and the actual environment with a capital E so it's sort of like a play within a play which almost makes me Shakespeare for thinking this shit up. That's what I am people. The effing Shakespeare of ideas.
Anyhow, this idea specifically deals with smell. Or actually smells in general. Now I'm going to get a little hippie-love-fest on you for a minute so bear with me. Close your eyes and go to the happy place. You know the one they show in the movies all the time when people kiss and close their eyes and the scene cuts to some idyllic fake awesome meadow where you can wear your Alice and Wonderland costume to work and the water cooler is filled with red wine that, despite being in a five gallon container, never needs to be changed and you're allowed to light anything you want on fire and people actually thank you for your uncanny ability to add a tambourine to any song ever made. You know the place. We all go their in our heads from time to time. Now what does this place smell like? Cotton candy? Buttered pancakes? Coffee? The meadow is yours so you can make it smell however you want. That's why they invented imagination.
So hold onto that smell in your mind. Breath it in. Enjoy it. Smells awesome, right? Now all of the assholes who sell smells in a compressed can, wax stick or powdery mess are trying to recreate that imaginary moment for you. Air freshening is like a zillion dollar industry and I totally wish I could be that mediocre and be worth a zillion dollars because I TOTALLY WOULD WOULDN'T WE ALL? So I guess you can't blame the assholes who sell us this fake smelling crap because WE ARE ALL JUST DYING TO THROW MONEY AT THEM LIKE WE ARE WORKING ON A FLOAT IN A PARADE AND OUR ONLY JOB IN THIS LIFE IS TO BLINDLY THROW MONEY INTO CROWDS OF CANDLE SELLING ASSHOLES. Stop blaming the victim, people.
And then it hit me-I need to stop making problems and start making solutions. People love to smell things like oregano and popcorn, but they hate to smell things like farts. And it's been my experience that, although some people may like the way a fart sounds or even feels, no one really wants to be 'the guy who just farted'. But what if there was a pill you could take to make this gastrointestinal necessity both audiologically AND olfactorily pleasing?
World, I would like to present FartWithConfidence. It is just plain scientific bedlam that we live in a world where we have pills that make a 98 year old man have a four hour erection, there are x-ray machines in the airport that can see through my underpants, we can make eight babies at one time come out of the female equivalent of Sideshow Bob, but we haven't figured out a way to make farting smell good. We should be able to hit this one out of the park people. Let's all get hippy dippy for a moment again and hold virtual hands, organize protests and stage sit-ins. No more effing dollars for stupid ways to use science until every man, woman and child on earth can fart with confidence. ¡Viva la Revolucion!
Farting with confidence is almost as good as wearing your Alice in Wonderland costume to work.
Anyhow, this idea specifically deals with smell. Or actually smells in general. Now I'm going to get a little hippie-love-fest on you for a minute so bear with me. Close your eyes and go to the happy place. You know the one they show in the movies all the time when people kiss and close their eyes and the scene cuts to some idyllic fake awesome meadow where you can wear your Alice and Wonderland costume to work and the water cooler is filled with red wine that, despite being in a five gallon container, never needs to be changed and you're allowed to light anything you want on fire and people actually thank you for your uncanny ability to add a tambourine to any song ever made. You know the place. We all go their in our heads from time to time. Now what does this place smell like? Cotton candy? Buttered pancakes? Coffee? The meadow is yours so you can make it smell however you want. That's why they invented imagination.
So hold onto that smell in your mind. Breath it in. Enjoy it. Smells awesome, right? Now all of the assholes who sell smells in a compressed can, wax stick or powdery mess are trying to recreate that imaginary moment for you. Air freshening is like a zillion dollar industry and I totally wish I could be that mediocre and be worth a zillion dollars because I TOTALLY WOULD WOULDN'T WE ALL? So I guess you can't blame the assholes who sell us this fake smelling crap because WE ARE ALL JUST DYING TO THROW MONEY AT THEM LIKE WE ARE WORKING ON A FLOAT IN A PARADE AND OUR ONLY JOB IN THIS LIFE IS TO BLINDLY THROW MONEY INTO CROWDS OF CANDLE SELLING ASSHOLES. Stop blaming the victim, people.
And then it hit me-I need to stop making problems and start making solutions. People love to smell things like oregano and popcorn, but they hate to smell things like farts. And it's been my experience that, although some people may like the way a fart sounds or even feels, no one really wants to be 'the guy who just farted'. But what if there was a pill you could take to make this gastrointestinal necessity both audiologically AND olfactorily pleasing?
World, I would like to present FartWithConfidence. It is just plain scientific bedlam that we live in a world where we have pills that make a 98 year old man have a four hour erection, there are x-ray machines in the airport that can see through my underpants, we can make eight babies at one time come out of the female equivalent of Sideshow Bob, but we haven't figured out a way to make farting smell good. We should be able to hit this one out of the park people. Let's all get hippy dippy for a moment again and hold virtual hands, organize protests and stage sit-ins. No more effing dollars for stupid ways to use science until every man, woman and child on earth can fart with confidence. ¡Viva la Revolucion!
Farting with confidence is almost as good as wearing your Alice in Wonderland costume to work.
Posted by Jennifer at 3/26/2010 2:42 PM 
Categories: Awesome domains that you can buy from me for a 15 thousand percent markup, Making the world a better place
Tags: i know you agree with me but are afraid to admit it in public it's like combining chocolate with peanut butter only better this idea will really knock your socks off ice breakers
Categories: Awesome domains that you can buy from me for a 15 thousand percent markup, Making the world a better place
Tags: i know you agree with me but are afraid to admit it in public it's like combining chocolate with peanut butter only better this idea will really knock your socks off ice breakers
Don't you have to pay royalties to Martin for this one?
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It's always awesome when you mother leaves comments on your blog because she, like, gives away all of your secrets. Thanks mom!
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