SpaghettiBurrito.com big ideas for small times: I threw up a little in my mouth when I did this

I threw up a little in my mouth when I did this

So if you've ever read anything I've written here you probably know two things 1) I have a lot of awesome ideas that make you smack yourself in the head and say 'oh crap, why didn't I think of that?' and 2) I almost always buy the associated domain name to pair with my idea. So you, probably like me, will throw up in your mouth a little over what I am going to say next.

I'm selling my children. No, not my cats Benecio and Papi Chulo. Or the male replicant I grew in my body who calls me Mom. It's worse than that. I'm selling my domains. But don't worry, it's for a good cause.

It all started with a call to Go Daddy tech support for something totally unrelated.

Phone Center Guy from Go Daddy: Hi this is Sean. How can I assist you today?

Me: I'm calling because my awesome domain GetAGhetto.com won't display anything. And for some reason it's classified as an 'adult' domain which is stupid. What effing adult wants to live in the ghetto? Ghetto is for kids. Do you see adults walking around with their asses hanging out of their pants? Or with gold teeth? Or with baby daddies? That's totally childish. Adolescent at best. Adults are definitely NOT rocking the ghetto.

Sean from Go Daddy: <long silence>

Me: Stop mocking me with your silence.

Sean from Go Daddy: I'm not mocking you. I was just, um, reviewing your account.

Me: You're totally mocking me. I have lots of awesome ideas and am the proud owner of most of the associated domain names. I'm sure you have the list up right in front of you so you can see for yourself.

Sean from Go Daddy: <longer silence>You do have some, er, interesting domains. If you have a few minutes, I need to check another layer up on the GetAGhetto designation.

Now instead of putting me on hold while the superpowers that be at Go Daddy try to figure out how on earth getting a ghetto is an act of adulthood, Sean does what any call center phone guy does to prevent dead air. He tries to sell me more crap.

Sean from Go Daddy: Can I interest you in blah blah blah or blah blah blah. We also offer blah blah blah and blah blah auctions.

Me: What was that last thing you said?

Sean from Go Daddy: Go Daddy Auctions. Where you can sell your domain names. For top dollar.

Now it's my turn for a long silence.

Me: Sean, did I mention why I'm doing all of this? I mean, the real prize I have in my eyes?

Sean from Go Daddy: Um, no.

Me: World domination. Now don't get all worried, I'm not crazy or anything. I know I need to start small and stuff. With an island or atoll or something that I can buy cheap and turn into my own sovereign piece of the pie. I just know that I will have the awesomest country on the planet and everyone one will want to move to it and I will have to build additions out of rocks and boards and stuff because my nation will have an economy based solely on dogs and it will take some time to get the breeding going so the coffers will be low and we will need to do what every startup nation does and exhaust our national resources in the name of progress. Eventually as the expansion continues the additions will reach the shores of other lands, and the people from those lands will cry tears of joy when they see my countrymen nail the planks of freedom onto their dirt beaches and then all countries will eventually become one when they are connected by freedom planks. And we will all live in one nation, under me since I started the whole Kumbaya one people crap with my awesome idea. Oh crap, freedom planks, that's an awesome name. Quick Sean, buy me FreedomPlanks.com. YOU'RE AN EFFING MUSE! I NEED TO CALL GO DADDY MORE OFTEN!

Now I'm speaking Sean's language because I'm buying crap and I know some analyst somewhere will be pleased when he sees that yes, Sean has spent like 875% past average or even acceptable on this call, but it resulted in a *sale*.

Sean from Go Daddy: Done.

Me: And sign me up for the auctions Sean. Wanna know why?

Sean: <in a not even mocking voice anymore>Um, yeah. Sure.

Me: Because that's how I'm going to effing finance this bad boy. Write this day down on your calendar Sean. It's the first day of the rest of the world. I hope you feel like Sarah Connor from Terminator because you totally should.

Sean: I actually do, a little. I guess...

And just like that it happened. I signed up for Go Daddy Auctions and started putting this crap on the map. So have at it people, they're up there for the taking. And for a paltry $49,999 one of these bad boys can be yours. Don't just think of as buying an awesome domain name at well below market value, think of it as your patriotic duty and contribution to the world as we don't know it. Yet.