Just got back from Utah and I know just what they need

So I recently had to spend some time in the great state of Utah.  As I never had reason to spread my wings that far, er, westward before I was stampeded by a couple of elephants in the room as soon as my plane touched down.  Firstly, you can't help but notice the breath-taking-jaw-dropping view of SLC, framed by a mountain range of giant upside down ice cream cones.  And then the niceness.  Never seen anything like it.  When I was at the airport a man asked me if I wanted to cut him in line because it seemed like I was in a rush (I know what you're thinking- and no, he didn't ask it in a tone that suggested that I was a giant a-hole spoken while rolling his eyes).  I thanked him for the offer of cutsies, but explained that I was actually running way ahead of schedule and that this is just how I looked all of the time.  Dude, it's an East Coast thing, you wouldn't understand.  This experience had an approximate consistency rate of, say a hundred or more percent.  

Fast forward a couple of days  and I'm at a dinner with like, a real nice guy's nice guy.  Since sharing is a two way street, I talked, then he talked, then I talked again.

me: This is one heckuva state you got here.  Everything is so clean and beautiful.  Where's the bad part?

nice guy: What do you mean?

me: You know, the bad part.  The ghetto.  The place where people go to get hopped up on crack and ruin their lives.

nice guy: Um, we don't really have anything like that.

me:  I knew something was missing.  It just so happens I like to think of ways to fill the holes in the dam of life and then buy the associated domain names and sell them for a fifteen thousand percent markup to the LLC, zillonaire or governmental body that will run those balls straight down the court.  Nothin' but net on those bad boys, baby.

nice guy: How about 'KeepYourGhetto.com?'

me: Good first try.  But that idea has no legs.  No one is going to pay for you to NOT do something.

nice guy:  I might pay you to not talk anymore.

me: LoL.  I detect a crack in your shell of niceness.  I think the ghetto is already on it's way and I've only be in Utah for two days.  Score!

And so I bought GetAGhetto.com as fast as my fingers could type.  Just in case anyone else out there was thinking the same exact thing at the same exact time.  Or reading my mind.  Or thinking about trading in ghettos in some kind of new stock exchange.  You know how it is.  Please, please someone buy this bad boy off of me quick and make it happen.  Those Utah folk are so squeaky clean it just makes you want to 'accidentally' spill ketchup on them as you walk by, just to soil them a bit.  Build them a ghetto STAT for Pete's sake goshdarnnit I am see-ree-oz.  Peace out!



 
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Comments

  • 3/9/2010 12:21 AM Ghetticulous wrote:
    I was thinking about GhettoInABox.com with the box doubling as shelter. Or, another angle, GeckoGhetto.com. Who would want an ant farm when they could own their very own gecko ghetto? Exactly.
    Reply to this
    1. 3/9/2010 7:10 AM Jennifer wrote:
      That is so effing brilliant it deserves a post of it's own.  Or an infomercial even.

      Reply to this
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